Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
