in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
