It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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