I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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