I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
