Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
