The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
