Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My pussy is not your playground.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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