If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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