I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
