saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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