i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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