Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
