woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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