Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
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He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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