In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
