That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Randomize
