Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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