I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
we're making bets on your personal life
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
