omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
i think my cat just said my name.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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