i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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