My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
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as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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