I wish my penis had an off switch
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
