Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize