Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize