I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
