I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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