Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
