Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
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We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
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You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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