i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
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He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
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I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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