People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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