farters have to be the big spoon...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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