Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
even my farts smell like vagina
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize