I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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