They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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