maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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