i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
