Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize