Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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