WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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