Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
how do flat chested girls get laid?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
