Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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