I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
