I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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