Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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