Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
