I don't remember. Are we still dating?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
