garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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