I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
