even my farts smell like vagina
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
