addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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