Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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