No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
