my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
