At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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