like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
