You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize