My liver just broke up with me...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
